Kids' Haircuts

The other half came home from work the other day via the hairdressers. He had a number 1 1/2 round the sides and a number 3 on top, which for those who don't know their numbers, is pretty short. Michael was quite impressed but became concerned when he looked at his own hair, which was last cut about 4 months ago and is a little long right now. 'Do you want a haircut like Dad's?' the other half asked.

'I had a haircut,' Mikey replied, looking concerned, 'but it didn't work..'!

Kisses for our kids

Kisses and cuddles. Hugs and love. My 3 year old has a ready supply and I'm a willing recipitant. 'Give us a kiss' I say and he puckers up. I aim for his cheek and he takes my face in his hands and plants one on my lips.

Now, I come from an English family where hugs and kisses don't come naturally and I still hesitate in social situations when it comes to the hellos and goodbyes. To kiss or not to kiss. And one kiss or two, or just back off quickly and avoid the situation altogether.

The other half was the same, but he got into hugs at uni and has been working on his family ever since to get them to loosen up on the emotional front.

So for our kids, hugs and kisses are a plenty and we hope to continue that way, although I'm sure we'll become an embarrassement in the not too distant future.

Anyway, I've seen other kids give and receive kisses on the mouth, but with mine it's always been on the top of the head or the cheek and it was not until Mikey took control that I accepted that this is ok. He sees mum and dad display affection with a kiss on the lips and he too wants to do the same. Holly on the other hand loves a cuddle, but kisses are not in demand.

This evening the other half and I were discussing this subject while the kids were playing and I said that Holly wasn't into kisses (uh yucky kisses!) but Mikey was quite happy to give me a big smackerooney on the lips.

'Ýou want to smack me on the lips??' pipes up Holly. 'No,'I say. 'Í was just saying Michael likes to give me a big smack of a kiss on the lips.'

Holly whispered something to her brother and said 'go on mum wants a big smack and a a kiss on the lips'. So, looking slightly tentative, he came over, slapped me twice round the face and gave me a big kiss. :-)

Sleep or sex - Can we have both??

I was just reading an article that said that 56 % of Aussies interviewed would rather have a good night's sleep than sex. And I have to say, right now, I'm with them. It didn't say how many men or women were surveyed, how old they were, whether they had kids, were in a relationship or gagging for it (sorry!), so my suspicions are that the figures might be over stated. But, I have to say, that if you surveyed a group of mums and dads with two or more pre-schoolers, the sleep might win out.

We have been saying for the last 2 1/2 years that it'll get easier when they sleep through. And that doesn't just apply to sex, but also to our social lives, watching a TV program after 9:30 without snoozing on the sofa, having the energy to talk to each other of an evening, waking up full of the joys of spring, or at least with half the energy of the children, and basically functioning like we used to pre-kids.

Michael is coming up for 3 and we still haven't cracked it. We live in hope that when he drops his day sleep, he'll sleep better, but for now we are almost resigned to the nightly wake up calls. We have tried control crying, and threats and bribery, and I honestly think he tries, but he just can't do it. Earlier in the year he seemed to be waking with nightmares, and I took to lying down with him until he fell asleep. This was not a wise move, as he loves sleeping with his mummy and it soon became a regular occurrence. And for me, I was taking the easy option, avoiding the tears and tantrums and getting as much shut eye as possible even if it was squashed on one side of a single bed with a toddler who has a habit of sleeping sideways.

When the other half took some time off work between contracts, we decided to tackle the sleep issue head on. For two months, mummy didn't get up when Michael cried. Instead, daddy went in, and daddy was much firmer and stricter, and refused to be a softy like mum. The plan was that Michael would get no benefit from waking up (or waking us up) so he'd eventually stop doing it. Three months on and with daddy about to go back to work and therefore stop being on call over night for the kids, we are only marginally better off. I can now go in, tuck him back in and return to my own bed, but I still have to get up.

We have tried lights on, lights off, night lights, music at bed time, different pjs in case he's getting cold, or hot, a new doona and talk, lots of talk about how impressed mummy and daddy would be if he didn't wake us up. We even tried moving Holly into the same room, but that meant evenings were a disaster as well, so that didn't last long.

So a full night's sleep, with no interruptions would be heaven, although I suspect I'll have forgotten how if I ever get the chance. And yes, given the choice, sex or a full night's sleep, I'll go for the sleep. After all we can always have a quicky while the kids are glued to the television, so long as we lock the door, forget any ideas of foreplay and don't fall asleep before we get started!

Friendships

I have been reading a book called 'How to be a Happy Mum', and found the section on friendships quite interesting. It made me reflect on being a mum and the friendships you find and lose over time.

A lot of mums feel very isolated when they first have their babies. They have moved from the working world where they had day to day interaction with their colleagues, and often socialised of an evening or weekend, to a world where the baby is the number one communicator, and socialising takes second place to sleep where ever possible.

If you are very lucky, your friends are having babies at the same time as you, but for the majority of us, timing doesn't quite work like that.

Suddenly being home with the baby can be very lonely, and you have to make an effort to have adult interaction. I know for me, getting out of the house and at least being amongst other people is an important part of the day, even if it is just going to the park or shops, where I have a brief chat with the teller or the mum whose child is on the swing next to mine. Mothers' Group was great. It forced me to meet other mums with children the same age, got me out of the house and socialising, and was a great source of advice and reassurance especially in those early years. But having said that, five years on it has drifted apart and we have moved away from the area so catching up is hard and the kids no longer really know each other.

It's just another example of the transient nature of friendships once the children have come along. I have made friends since Holly was a baby, through Mothers Group, a pregnancy yoga class I attended, and with mums of the kids I looked after in Family Day Care. But, as the children attended different classes and then different pre-schools, friendships have dwindled and we've moved on.

When my first was little, we saw one friend with a child the same age almost every week. As the girls started pre-school and we both moved areas, catching up became more difficult and less frequent, but we still spoke regularly. The two girls went to each others' 4 year old birthday parties last year, but I have to say Holly had to be persuaded to invite this friend, and I suspect it was the same the other way round. Our children have other friends and neighbours they see every day or every week, and the old friendship turned out to be an adult friendship and not a child one. My friend and I ended up having a chat about birthdays, and accepted that we wouldn't be offended if our children didn't want the other one at their next party. After all, they were not likely to see each other very much and would have a whole host of pre-school friends to invite. But, the important thing was, that we agreed that as adults we could still have a friendship even if the children didn't.

But, a year on, 5 year old birthdays have been and gone, and it hasn't happened. We last caught up properly about 8 months ago, and Holly played with her brother, and my friend's two played with each other. I have phoned a few times since, and she squeezed in a quick catch up at the shops in between the sales, but since then, I've not heard back. I feel like I've been dropped. There's a part of me that mourns the loss of a friendship. And because it's my nature to, I worry that I've done something wrong.

But if I think about it, that's the way it goes when you have children. It's hard to maintain a friendship that came about through the children, when they no longer see each other regularly, and let's face it, don't particularly warm to each other when we do catch up. For us mums, catching up for a drink, or a movie in the evening seems like a good idea, but in reality, we don't even do this much with our own hubbies, so making time for a girly night out, when we live 30 minutes drive apart is a tricky one.

So which friendships do survive? For me, it's the friendships I had pre-kids, that have survived. We all have children now, of different ages, but it's not about them so much as about us. For others, it's those who they spend time with away from the kids; a mum's weekend away without the interruption of children, or an evening with the girls that's let them develop a relationship beyond the children.

Pre-school has been a good source of adult contact. Last year it was mainly hellos and how are yous. This year we have a chat and the kids play together, we've been to the social events and even the guys are getting to know each other.

Even so, as we face the move from pre-school to school next year, this year's friendships will move on. Our children are going to different schools, so we'll naturally socialise with a different group of parents, and let's face it, with the busy life of a 5 year old to plan around, there won't be much time for grown up socialising. But the 3 year old will be at pre-school and I'll be an old hand, happy to have a chat with new mums as they too look for a bit of adult contact and maybe even a friendship.

Ants

Today the ants found the pantry. Until now I've been able to keep them to the other side of the kitchen where they regularly march in to see what tiny scraps we have accidentally left on the kitchen surface, or whether, to their great joy, I have left the honey out, again. We have sprayed outside and in, but they are determined little creatures and losing a couple of hundred of their comrades does not deter them. It is said that cockroaches will survive a nuclear bomb, but what about ants? They are pretty much the only thing the pest guys won't guarantee exterminating, and I know they'll be back.

This morning the familiar black line was hurrying up the inside of the cupboard, from shelves one to six. At each shelf, bands of them had split from the crowd to explore potential food sources, with the result that every shelf needed emptying to be sure I found the every last ant. Luckily their tastes are specific and they didn't find as much as I had anticipated, but the concern is that now they know the food source, one of those little creatures will have got back to the nest and spread the word, and they'll be back.

The cereal shelf was relatively unharmed, a few sweets from lolly bags shoved in the cupboard in the hope the kids would forget about them, were taken, and of course, they found the honey. At one point I thought I'd got them all, but then I reached the top shelf where we keep the alcohol that we don't ever drink, but keep in case of emergencies or cooking requirements. I'm not saying we don't drink, we just tend to stick to the red wine and beer options rather than the spirits, but it's always good to have a little supply for those visitors who we haven't entertained in 5 years, or that tiramisu I used to make, when I last entertained, about 5 years ago.

Despite the 5 year drought since these bottles were last opened, the ants were hooked. There must have been enough sticky residue on the outside to lure them in. The only consolation is, they died happy.

So, instead of spending my child free morning working, and taking some time out, I have cleaned the pantry out, and although I have won this battle, I still need a plan of attack for the long term war with the ants.

But let's look on the bright side. Cleaning the pantry would probably never have reached number 1 on the priority list, and I've thrown out all those jars and packets with sell by dates from 2007 and 2008. (We only moved in to the house three years ago, otherwise who knows what else I would have found.)

Now I just have to tackle the car. Oh, didn't I say? We have ants in the car too...

The 5th Birthday Party - part 2

I have an annoying habit of re-living social situations seemingly in case I did something disasterous and our guests didn't actually enjoy themselves. This even applied to the 5 year old birthday party. I say even, but in reality, we have done very few social events since number 2 arrived, so having 20 kids, plus mums to our house was a major social event for me.

I have, of course, vowed never to do it again (remind me of that when it comes to Michael's birthday or Holly's first Kindergarten party at the age of 6), but in reality it all went remarkably well.

There were a couple of things I'd planned that just didn't happen. I was going to write in chalk 'This way to Holly's party' on our driveway for those who haven't been here before, and I had planned to cook baby sausages and had some of those cute little dinner rolls that they fitted perfectly, but time got away with me. It's not like we didn't have enough food, but they might have tipped the balance slightly away from a total sugar hit.

We played some traditional games - musical numbers, musical bumps, pass the parcel and musical statues, and I compared and balanced Michael on my hip and tried to adjudicate fairly while not letting anyone get too sad. All of which was rather stressful and I found myself getting rather hot on what was really a fairly cool winter's day. It was only when I removed my cardigan to cool down a bit that I reliased in all the rush of preparation that morning, I'd forgotten to put my bra on. If you've read my booby entries you'll know this isn't a problem from a support perspective, but I do generally wear a bra in public. Luckily the next event was the Treasure hunt outside and I could cool off and retrieve the jumper!

The treasure hunt was the highlight of the games. I'd drawn maps for everyone and they had to collect a shiny stone, dig up a dinosaur from our sandpit, fish for a frog from our water table, hunt for a gold coin and collect some beautiful shells. The last clue led them to a duck sitting on some eggs and each child had to pick an egg and bring it back to the treasure box. Inside the eggs were jelly dinosaurs and in one egg was the key to the treasure box. Unfortunately I got waylaid helping one of the slower treasure hunters outside, and I missed the opening of the treasure. Our neighbour's 6 year old found the key and the treasure was gone by the time I and some of the other kids even got to the box. It didn't seem to be a problem though.

Food was a good distraction, but even so, we had time for more games than originally planned and I had a memory blank on the list of extra games I'd put together. We ended up with Hide and Seek and took so long that we nearly forgot to do the cake and candles. As it was, Dad missed it as he was outside entertaining Michael at the time, and I had to start the Happy Birthday rendition on my own, which, as singing is not my forte, led to a rather untuneful sing song.

Mums started to make moves to leave and a couple of the girls came and said their goodbyes and then stood waiting, looking expectant. It took me a moment to realise the party bags had not been handed out. If it had been our neighbours, they would have just asked me outright, but these were far too polite! I really must get more practice at these social niceties. Or delegate. Yes, delegate.

I'd put the wine and tea and coffee out for mums with some nibbles, but only a few partook. It was worth it though. I got stuck in to a couple of glasses of wine as soon as my responsibilities were over.

So the big question is, did Holly enjoy her party? Amazingly, she only had one breakdown and that was minor. Other kids all wanted to play musical bumps and she didn't, so she retreated to her room. As I was in charge of games, I left her to it, and Dad was looking after Michael who was taking some time out on the trampoline at that moment, so Holly got no attention and soon returned to the games, which worked pretty well.

The presents were of course, a big hit. We originally put them on one side to open later, but after the food, Holly wanted to get stuck in, and I think it's kind of nice opening presents in front of the present givers. The obvious stress was keeping track of who gave what present as cards got flung in one direction, paper strewn everywhere and presents dropped ready for the next one. We have today handed out little thank you notes with photos from the party at pre-school, and I'm almost sure we've got the presents matched up correctly, but I'm still half expecting someone to say, 'actually we didn't give Holly this, we gave her that.' I'm philosophical about it, after all, all her presents were lovely and they're lucky to get a thank you note at all!

When the party was over, our neighbours' children stayed, and Holly had a lovely play with them and some of the new toys. As us adults finally relaxed with a drink, it occurred to me that Holly was having the best fun now, with her special friends. I asked her later whether she enjoyed the party and she said yes, but there were a few too many people there. I'd tend to agree.

The 5th Birthday Party

It is Holly's 5th birthday on Thursday, so today we wrapped her presents. And when I say we, I mean Holly and me. I did suggest I ought to wrap them without her, so they'd be a surprise, but no, that's not the way this birthday is going. It is Holly's birthday, and Holly is in charge. So if Holly says she'll wrap the presents, then who am I to complain? After all it saves it being a last minute event the night before the big day. She's going to hide them as well.

I have managed to keep back a few things so there'll be some real surprises on the day, but it's obviously not important. What seems to be most important is that this is her day, and it needs to be done her way.

I have suggested numerous party games, describing them in elaborate detail, making them sound as appealing as possible, but although some have been given a 'Oh that sounds good', it's generally followed by a , 'but I don't want that at my party.'

Pass the Parcel was always first on the list, and I've been allowed to add a Treasure Hunt and Musical Numbers. Any games with lots of prizes were the winners, but nowadays where everyone has to get something from the parcel and each child is supposed to end up with a prize, this could get expensive.

I raided the local 2 dollar shop and ended up with a bucket full of prizes, most of which Holly put in the party bags. It took me 3 days to persuade her that if we didn't leave some things out, there would be no pass the parcel and no prizes for any other game. And no, I wasn't going back for another bucket full.

The other issue is numbers. This started as a relatively small, civilised party, but then Holly came home from pre-school and announced she'd invited 7 other girls from her class. Now I guess if I'd said up front that 10 would be the absolute maximum, I could have enforced it, but I made the mistake of assuming that because Holly only ever talks about one girl at pre-school and her friends the neighbours, that we were quite safe. Our little girl is not an outgoing party animal. How was I to know she'd turn into a social butterfly once the party was announced?

I've got no idea how 4 and 5 year olds work. If I didn't follow up these 7 extras, would they remember? Would Holly be ostracised for un-inviting these guests? We have worried slightly that Holly hasn't got many friends and is quiet and 'shy' in social situations, so this sudden onslaught of friends has to be embraced, doesn't it?

So, with siblings who have to be included, because I've chosen a Thursday afternoon so hubbies aren't home to watch them, we are now up to 20. I am hoping for a sunny day, or if it rains, a sudden bout of swine flu. If I remove a large amount of furniture, our house can accommodate the kids and the mums who will generally decide to stay, so long as no-one eats too much sugar and decides to run a muck.

Let's face it, it is going to be chaos. I think if I accept that up front, my sanity may just remain in tact. We went to our neighbour's house a few weeks ago for another 5 year old party, and this one had even more children and adults there. The mum was fantastic, but she was definitely stressed. And the alcohol came out before the last guests had departed. On this note, I have decided to get the alcohol out up front. For the mums that is. Hopefully at least one or two of them can have a relaxing glass and a chat while I deal with the party games. I'll make sure my receovery supply is available post party.

So why do we mums put ourselves through this? For me, I think the primary driver is giving Holly a good time, but there is definitely an element of living up to the competition. I am lucky that Holly doesn't want anything too fancy, so apart from the excessive amount of prizes, we haven't had to spend out on entertainers or bouncy castles or kindy farms. Also, she's happy with a basic round cake, so long as it's covered in loads of icing, marsh mallows and smarties. I was a bit worried after we saw an amazing pirate ship cake at last week's party, but I'm still safe on that one.

But, if the kids don't have fun, I can't blame the entertainer or the caterer, so the pressure's on to perform.

I used to think that having a party at a play centre was an expensive cop out. I am now convinced that it would be no more expensive, and it's a guilt free cop out. After all, the objective is for the birthday girl and her friends to have fun. Unfortunatley this party girl wanted her party at home again this year and before the party expansion happened, I was happy to encourage this. Home is her territory and she is most relaxed here and most likely to have fun. Still, I am expecting at least one major tantrum (whether it's mine or Holly's is yet to be determined) and I fear I should be playing 'It's my party and I'll cry if I want to'...